I have found that there are times that I learn things but they are so long in coming (or I’m so slow at learning) that I just know will significantly impact my life. Powerful things that will forever change me. And yet for some reason in learning them matters get much, much worse before the daylight comes when I finally just ‘get it’. Do you ever feel this way?



Over the past several weeks in retrospect I see how I have been almost directed into this topic but never far enough to just fall right in. I might believe it was the leading of the Spirit and although I may not understand fully today the tardiness of my learning, one might agree that God is always on time but never early!



This topic has changed me.



I will never be the same in my heart and I know this beyond any doubt.



What I want to share with you today is the single most powerful thing I have learned in a very, very long time. Gleaned from some articles by Steve McVey I found myself underlining my reading until nearly every word was underlined. Would you read with me in this post and give room in your heart for these most powerful words because I believe that as you do in a searching way you too will find such freedom that you will know that life will not continue the same from this day.



The topic is “forgiveness” and it is NOT what you might expect. Please read on with me…



What does it mean to forgive?



Forgiveness is the deliberate choice to release a person from all obligation he has toward us as a result of any offense he has committed against us. Consider this definition and ask is there is any un-forgiveness in me toward any other person?



Forgiveness is really vastly misunderstood. Let’s look at some common misunderstandings concerning forgiveness.



Misunderstandings About Forgiveness



Many think that there is no need to forgive others because they have a misunderstanding about the meaning of forgiveness. Consider a few of the common faulty beliefs about forgiveness.





1. Time heals all wounds.



Time doesn’t heal all wounds. If you believe that just because you don’t feel the pain of a past offense anymore, it doesn’t need further attention, you’re hurting yourself. Hurts in our lives have an accumulative effect unless we forgive those who wrong us. It produces an underlying anger that will affect the way we relate to everything in life.



Frank Minirth and Paul Meier wrote in their book, Happiness Is A Choice:

“Anger is hard to deal with unless an individual realizes it is there. If he becomes angry out of proportion to the actual event, it may be because the event reminded him of another period in his life when he felt inferior and inadequate. The current event reinforced those past feelings and insecurities. Perhaps 25% of his response was to the current situation, and the other 75% was his reaction to feelings that were long ago repressed.”



Is your reaction to frustrating incidents in your life out of proportion to the incident itself?

Un-forgiveness may be the root cause. We live in an angry society. If you doubt that fact, watch the drivers in other cars during your drive to work tomorrow. Watch the evening news. Ours is an angry world. We have all been hurt at times. The only way to be freed from anger is to forgive.





2. To forgive somebody else, I must have feelings of forgiveness.



This is an error that can keep you imprisoned in un-forgiveness. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice to release a person. It isn’t a feeling we have. It is a choice we make. Don’t believe the lie that it would be hypocritical to forgive just because you don’t feel it.



After we choose to forgive others, healing will gradually come to our feelings. If, however, we wait until we feel like forgiving, it may never happen. Don’t allow negative feelings to keep you from forgiving. Rise above your feelings and act in faith.





3. They don’t deserve to be forgiven.



Of course they don’t!

If they deserved it, there would be no need for forgiveness.

To forgive someone is to extend grace (undeserved favor) to them. We don’t forgive because others deserve it. We forgive them because we have been forgiven and because we want to be set free from the damaging effects of un-forgiveness in our own lives.



The Scriptures says, “forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Did you deserve God’s forgiveness? He forgave us by His grace. That is how we forgive others. Not because they deserve it, but because we choose to show them grace.



Do you want to be set free from the burden of un-forgiveness? Forgiveness is the gateway to freedom from underlying anger, resentment, bitterness, negativity. Never does a Christian more clearly express the indwelling life of Christ than when we forgive those who have wronged us. Don’t be held captive by misunderstandings about forgiveness. Choose, by faith, to release those who have hurt you and you will discover that, in the process, God is releasing you.










The Door to Freedom



We don’t forgive other people because they need it. We forgive them because we need it. Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door to freedom from the effect of past hurts in our lives.



When we hold onto un-forgiveness toward other people, we aren’t hurting them. We are only hurting ourselves. Comedian Buddy Hackett once said, “I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing."



We forgive people, not for their sake, but for ours. Your un-forgiveness may not even affect them, but it will certainly affect you. Until you forgive a person who has wronged you, you allow them to continue to control you.



But what if they aren’t sorry? They don’t have to be sorry in order for you to forgive them. Forgiveness is the deliberate choice to release a person from all obligations they have toward us as a result of any offense they have committed against us. There is nothing in that definition that requires action on the part of the guilty party.



Forgiveness is a conscious choice you make. It is an act of the will, not the emotions. Forgiveness is the way out that God gives you to be freed from the past, to be freed from those who have hurt you. To refuse to forgive is to stay in a prison that will keep you from ever enjoying the full abundance of life Jesus wants you to know.







How are we to move forward in forgiving those who have wronged us?



Several simple steps taken in faith can set us free.



1. Pray and ask the Lord to show you those who have hurt you. Write their names on a piece of paper. This may take a few days or even weeks. Don’t rush it. The Holy Spirit will show you those you need to forgive. If a name comes to mind, write it down even if you don’t think you need to forgive the person. After all, you did pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you the names. Don’t screen the list based on your own understanding.



2. Write a description of exactly what these people did to you. Be specific in your description. Don’t use vague generalities, but use detailed examples of how you have been offended by others. Unless you are specific, the act of forgiveness will be vague and not have the impact that you need in your life.



3. Describe exactly how you felt when the offense took place. The importance in identifying how you felt is to reattach the emotion to the incident. The reason for this is that it isn’t possible to fully forgive if we don’t recognize the extent of damage done to us. That’s why it is important to recognize how you felt at the time of the offense.



4. By faith, forgive those who have hurt you. Many have found it helpful to speak out loud, as if the person were in the room. Express your forgiveness to those who have hurt you, confessing that you are releasing them from any obligation for what they have done.

Perhaps the following can be helpful in facilitating the forgiveness you want to extend. Take your list of names and fill in the following:

“(Insert the name of the person who wronged you), I want to resolve a matter of un-forgiveness toward you. You have wronged me, but I don’t want to be handicapped by this hurt for the rest of my life. What you did to me was (describe the exact incident). When you did that, it made me feel (describe how you felt, not what you thought at the time).

You were wrong and I was hurt by your actions. But, (insert the offender’s name), right now I forgive you. I release you from any obligation you have toward me because of what you have done. Just as Christ has forgiven me, I now forgive you.”

Now, pray and thank the Lord for the grace He gives you to forgive others. Ask Him to bring healing to your emotions and to fill you with a greater sense of His love for you. Complete this time by affirming that you have forgiven others at this very moment.



Will your feelings instantly change? Maybe not. But that’s okay. As you remind yourself of the truth that you have forgiven those who wronged you, your feelings will gradually change.



You may still find that feelings of anger or resentment arise within you at times. That’s normal. When they do, remind yourself of the truth that you have forgiven. It doesn’t mean you didn’t forgive just because you may still have negative feelings at times. Simply acknowledge your feelings and then walk in the truth.



Forgiveness is a choice and you made that choice. Don’t allow the enemy to bring you back into the slavery of un-forgiveness again. Through forgiveness you have been set free. So enjoy your freedom!