A lot of us guys tend to relate on the “crumb man, I feel the way you do” level and maybe that’s just the male comfort zone speaking whereas the posts that give really good advice tend to never go anywhere with replies and get buried in achieve haven. But here is the no bull version of “ways to deal with MLC in brief”

Please add to it because it isn’t the final word on dealing with MLC; but it is in context.



Overview:



1. Once started, MLC will need to run its full course.



2. Its duration is dependant entirely on the choices of the one in it.



3. It will be lengthened by denial and/or avoidance of it.



4. It can be shortened by treating it with a whole man approach.



5. Once you begin treating it its impact grows more severe until completion.



6. Once you are through you will periodically experience cycles that appear vividly the same as full blown MLC with only slight variations – these will last 4-5 days and will then be over.



7. All Midlife Transitions begin with a period of sadness otherwise known as midlife male depression. A midlife crisis occurs when a man assuages his feelings of depression with feel-good antidotes in order to force the depression under. When this occurs he puts on the mask of bravado that shows the world that “hey, I’m okay; there is nothing wrong with me!” But this simply masks his depression and it remains active but covert. Covert depression can not be treated it will need to become overt again in order to be properly treated.



8. This period of sadness begins with a triggering event – the death of a parent, a job loss, hospitalization or another ‘crisis’ event. Like a cave –the exit is the same as the entry; it will take a ‘crisis’ event to exit MLC.



9. The ‘period of sadness’ is kicked off at this time of life because of the slowing of our metabolism and what medical professionals call “andropause” – the decline in serum testosterone and corresponding increase of estradiol that naturally occurs in all men after age 34.



10. Although many men can and do treat andropause with testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) it only alleviates symptoms for a few moths or weeks. They must also treat the increase in estradiol (E-2) which is leading way into much of the “feelings” inventory associated with MLC.



11. The most prominent feature of midlife crisis is the introduction of these “feelings” that until midlife we gave little attention to. Today they refuse to be ignored.



12. A man in midlife crisis is allowing his “feelings” to determine his course. It is a lot like the caboose pulling the train.



13. The most prominent initial ‘feeling” is the sadness accompanied by a sense of “failure”. In this present state we cannot see our successes in the same light as others as our feeling of failure outweighs this counterbalance. Everything we knew would work to dismiss these feelings of failure in the past ceases to work; this forces us into midlife transition.



14. You have three major tasks in Midlife Transition that need to be addressed including the reconciling of the polarities in you that are a source of deep division (the man in the mirror).



15. A midlife transition must be traversed by midlife men and can be done the easy way or the hard way. The hard way is to cause much crisis to ourselves and those dear to us – a MLC. However even MLC men must traverse their midlife transition – they are simply resisting and dragging their feet through the process.



16. Men that do not traverse this time of life well become grumpy old men – I’m sure you have met a few!



17. Men who capitalize on their period of midlife transition move from success to significance. They devote the second half of life to worthy causes and leave a legacy to their children’s children. They become mentors more than merely leaders. Elders rather than elderly. And chose significant roles to master in the second half of their lives.







Moving from here to there:



1. Set a goal to cut the MLC portion short.



2. Embrace proper counsel that will treat the “whole man”. This may not be a Therapist; it could be a pastor or professional man or an “elder” that has passed this way before. The “whole man” includes spirit, soul (mind), and body.



3. Begin to treat your MLC rather than to avoid it and the help for it.



4. Exercise. Weight resistance exercise is best for midlife men. This boosts testosterone levels and increases clear thinking.



5. Diet. Midlife men experience a ‘slowed’ metabolism. Proper metabolic function is necessary for physical and mental health & wellbeing.



6. Supplement. By now it is too late for proper diet to make up for years of abuse. Get on a vitamin and supplement regime. See my blog for details and write me for a personal protocol.



7. Get a “physical examination” by a medical doctor. Ask for a blood mark-up as well including Free Testosterone levels (not total testosterone levels), and estradiol levels. Remember that a “normal” result from testing is only an average for an average cross-section of the population and is not indicative of “you” personally. If necessary choose bioidentical testosterone replacement in either pellets or the gel.



8. If you choose TRT as thousands of American men do as a means of conquering midlife then prepare to counter the estradiol increase that will occur correspondingly with the additional testosterone. Armidex by prescription or natural supplements shown in my blog. I acheive the same results naturally as those acheived by prescription - I believe this is the better way (but costly).



9. Embrace your age. Although we might be 46 in our bodies we are often still 26 in our heads. Find a way to embrace 46 if this is your chronological age. Adjusting your work pace is one way of doing this. You may/will need to drop activities from your ‘responsibility list’.



10. Create a “task list” of all of the things you presently do in order of their priority. Research shows that men tend to take on 10% more responsibilities every year. The increased stress and slowing metabolism do not coexist well and aim you toward crisis. Now take your list and lop off the 10% at the bottom and quit doing them.



11. The above issues deal primarily with your Physical situation. The “whole man” approach though must include your soul (mind, will & emotions) as well. Become actively engaged in the 3 tasks of your midlife transition. Journal the thoughts you have as you go. Write daily in a journal – paper or software. I use both. The software I like can be found here - http://www.davidrm.com/thejournal it is password protected and includes many advanced features.



12. Give attention to your spiritual life. The men of our generation have sadly failed in taking the family leadership in this department and have left it to the women; its time to put those pants back on in midlife – if not now; when? What is your personal mission in life? What are your values? Do you have a personal mission statement just for you? In midlife we need to no longer direct our lives by our schedule but we must direct it by our internal compass. Our compass is our roles we play in life. You need to determine what these are and sharpen our axe to perform them. If the axe is dull then one must use more strength; but wisdom brings a successful advantage.



13. Write your mission statement.



14. Determine and write out your values



15. Find your compass and write out the roles in your life. Sharpen your Axe by including your responsibility to yourself - physical, mental, social, and spiritual. Then include the other roles in your life. For example, mine are: Husband, Dad, Business Leader, Coach, and Developer. Write these out and set out weekly goals for each.



16. Read. Start a reading program. Begin by researching all you can about this midlife passage. Get recommendations from men on this board.



17. Plan out your future. Turning your life from success to significance requires all of the ingredients planted as seed in you from early adulthood to today – wife, children (or nephews & nieces), church or community, reputation, honor, respect, abilities & talents (the dormant ones will arise in midlife), finances, and influence. Include these in your plan. If necessary, change careers.



18. Take action on the above – implement your plan.



This bro, is your midlife transition in a nut shell. If it were a book it would take several chapters to flesh it out. Is there a book written on it? No! Not yet. But a little here-and-there from a hundred books helps. If you like I can write out references to all the points above and a few that I missed it just takes a little time. But it is the beginning of the ‘no bull’ facts about traversing MLC. A lot of it is already written on this board but scanning thousands of posts can make you weary.





Newman