Often the MLC man is the shadow man of a man who was so nice before. Passivity in the marriage does much damage but even moreso when a passive man turns to counter it with the many poor choices of MLC. Sadly, as one writer put it, Christian men are the most passive of all.
This book may not be for everyone here but I'm betting it is! There is something in here for all us men.
Church is host to generations of nice, pleasant, and pliable men, careful not to ruffle feathers--especially female feathers. They're rule-bound. Disciples of status quo. They have been trained well by our culture, especially our churches, to bring harm to no one or no thing. They worship at the altar of other people's approval. This is their life--and it sure isn't living.
They have a light approach toward life, which unfortunately for the weak and the timid includes blatant injustice. They are nice and amiable in the face of evil, making them victims and reducing those who are charged with their care to victim status as well. They may well be considered accomplices.
On one hand they make great neighbors because they live by all the man-made rules we heap on each other. Their etiquette is astounding. Their lawns are green and manicured, and if they have a dog, it likely won't go number two on your lawn. In America, this means a lot.
But if you're looking for someone who can help you through a Dark Night of the Soul, he's not your man.
As popular writer Philip Yancey observed, "Evangelicals can be the kind of responsible citizens most people appreciate as neighbors but don't want to spend much time with.”
Part of this is due to the fact that many evangelical men don't possess much energy or vitality. They think it's Christian to embrace low-voltage living, to become sideline people. Their wives are often more interesting and alive than they are. Many complain how passive these men are, which is peculiar since many churches unintentionally guide them toward passivity. Our churches are anvil factories, not hammer factories. No wonder a great man like Abraham Lincoln attended church but was careful never to become a member.
Happiness eludes such men, but they can't admit it. It's not "Christian.” They don't think it's okay to be real and human. Many are ashamed to be human, to be made in God's image. They don't know how to be authentic.
What makes this problem so ironic, dangerous, damaging, and, yep, sinful, is that these men hardly behave like the real Jesus, the person they claim to follow. I'm not talking about hypocrisy either, the ailment that plagues us all. Hypocrisy is when we claim to adhere to the right ideal but don't in real life. No, we aren't even aiming at the right ideal, the real man himself. Right now our ideal is to be the nicest people on earth. Our goal should be to become the best good people on earth. The gap between nice and good is as far as the east is from the west. The difference between our fictitious Nice Nazarene who we currently follow and the real Jesus we largely ignore is dangerously wide as well.
So why do churches tell the mass of nice, compliant, and submissive men to be more patient and kind to a fault, when they really need to hear a completely different message? That's where No More Christian Nice Guy comes in.
